49 Pieces of Advice: Birmingham FACES 2016
As you focus on a fruitful 2017, get inspired by these brilliant women and the best pieces of advice they've ever been given.
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By
Lauren Helmer
Over the past year, we asked all of our FACES of Birmingham and FACES of the South to share their best advice for life or business. After all, these are some of the most intelligent, successful, creative and overall brilliant women in Birmingham and the Southeast! The end result is an impressive collection of inspiring and motivational words of wisdom. Enjoy!
The Best Advice From Our 2016 Birmingham FACES
What advice do you have for women encountering negative body image and struggling with self-esteem?
βWomen are really hard on women; women are the most critical of all. Donβt listen to the critical, even the thing in your head telling you that you arenβt good enough, you donβt look good enough β you just have to put it away. But at the same time, I will say to these girls that it is best to feel good. If you feel good, you look good, and if you look good, you feel good. So it goes both ways. Sometimes that means you try to be disciplined. I am not going to sit here and tell you I eat M&Mβs and cheeseburgers all day long. I work out. I watch what I eat. But that is what makes me feel good. You just have to push those haters away. In terms of a personal situation, if someone is telling you who they are, showing you who they are and you choose not to listen, it is your fault. If someone is telling you, βI donβt want to be with you, I donβt want to date you,β listen to them instead of trying to fix them or change them. Because you will surely be disappointed.β
βLife is too short to not be your own person and do what you love. So many people limit themselves from following their dreams, taking that trip or doing something for themselves, and thatβs not a life well lived. You want to do things that make you happy and that you desire. Itβs so important to take time in your day to incorporate little things that make you happy. Whether itβs going to get that chai latte or going to a yoga class or whatever it might be, those little things throughout the day make life better.β
βSomeone told me a long time ago that if I didnβt know what to do about a situation, thereβs always somebody out there who does, so I should look to that person or those people. Whether it be through observing them or going to them directly for guidance, you can always identify the person in the room who knows what to do. Somebody out there knows how to do it, so you canβt be afraid to ask. I have used that advice in so many areas in my life.β
βMaya Angelou said, βWhen you know better, you do better.β That is the space and grace I give myself as I continually mess up. When I know better, I make different decisions, and I continue to live by that.β
βLive each day fully present in that moment. Donβt let the fear of the future rob you of what is happening right in front of you.β
βIβve always had βLive the life that you loveβ as my mantra. I just love that, because it means different things for everyone. And itβs really just having passion and integrity. I mean, you canβt go wrong if youβre doing what you love.β
βAlways be honest, and never miss an opportunity to invest in someone who shares your passion.β
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βFind your tribe and love them hard. This is actually a quote from Danielle LaPorte, and itβs a mantra I live by. Finding your tribe β a group of people who understand you and support you β not only helps you succeed at professional pursuits, but it just makes life better, period. The women Iβve met and grown close to through See Jane Write have not only helped me grow See Jane Write into a business, but theyβve also helped me love my life here in Birmingham.β
![Drew Ann Long: "I have three children β one is disabled and the other two are typical children. [Caroline is 15.] Being a mom of three is challenging for anybody, but you throw a special needs child in there, and it becomes extra challenging. There will be dark, dark days. There are days that I didnβt even want to get out of bed. But you have to focus on the good days. There will be many good days as well. So my advice is, as a mom of a child with a disability, donβt dwell on the bad. Lifeβs not easy for anybody. And donβt be afraid to ask for help. Get a support system. There are lots of special needs support groups. Join one of those and have people to talk to when things get hard."](https://styleblueprint.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/SB-BHM-FACES-Drew-Ann-Long-.jpg "Drew Ann Long, Inventor of Caroline's Cart")
βI have three children β one is disabled and the other two are typical children. Being a mom of three is challenging for anybody, but you throw a special needs child in there, and it becomes extra challenging. There will be dark, dark days. There are days that I didnβt even want to get out of bed. But you have to focus on the good days. There will be many good days, as well. So my advice is, as a mom of a child with a disability, donβt dwell on the bad. Lifeβs not easy for anybody. And donβt be afraid to ask for help. Get a support system. There are lots of special needs support groups in the Birmingham area. Join one of those and have people to talk to when things get hard.β
βI have this quote by Minor Myers hanging in my office and intentionally look at it every day as my North Star: βGo into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world and do good.ββ
βThe best piece of advice Iβve ever been given came from my yoga teacher, which was, βOwn your truth, and your tribe will surround you.β And itβs proven to be very true for me. The more authentic you become, the more you attract the people who are supposed to be around you and support you.β
βListen to your gut. Create the kind of work you want. Do what you love, even if no one is paying you to do it.β
βOne of my dadβs standard ways to sign off on the phone is to say, βEnjoy your happiness,β which is really great. That guy, heβs a good one. I think thatβs very good advice.β
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βThe best advice was given to me by another mom. She said that one of the greatest things you can do for your child is to allow them to be themselves. I have repeated this often to myself, as a parent, to encourage my children to be who they are, not who I think they should be.β
βNever use the word βcanβt.ββ
βI donβt give advice, but I can share information. I have always tried to follow the light. I seek the good and the possible and understand that there are no real failures, just lots of opportunities to learn.β
βDonβt major in the minors; donβt worry just for worryβs sake, because it doesnβt change anything. As I get older, I just realize that nothing is really as bad as it seems. Just stay calm. Typically things work out.β
βAlways be yourself.β
βDonβt let someone elseβs limitations define your reality, and donβt let them tell you whatβs not possible. It may not be possible for them, but it may be very possible and realistic for you.β
βBe more aware of what is going on around you in every situation. Everyone has difficulties in their life. We can all give others a smile, kind words, prayers or a helping hand.β
βDonβt stress the small things. I still need to learn to take my own advice.β
βI think the best advice that Iβve ever gotten was to be myself. I think for a long time I was living up to the expectations of my family or society or my job or whatever, and the minute I put all those things down to just really try to be myself, the floodgates opened.β
PB: βThe harder you work, the luckier you get.β
AT: βBe true to yourself.β
βActor Chris Pratt posted this to Instagram: βI had to hustle hard and go hungry β¦ And I never had a plan B. I never stopped believing. Ever. Donβt give up. Apply constant pressure for as long as it takes. It will break before you do. Go get it.β A lot of family members have pressured me to quit and go back to a desk job. My response? HELL NO! Iβm doing this for me. No one else. Proving to myself that this life is worth it, that I can do it. For me and only me.β
βI think that especially for young journalists, the hardest thing is getting βin.β I say that as someone who still faces rejection all the time. I think the greatest piece of advice is to not take any of that personally, any of the rejection or the times that someone doesnβt respond to your email. You canβt, itβs too much. Just keep on. Believe in the stories you want to tell, and believe they are important. If one place doesnβt want them, another one will.β
βTake care of yourself. Lou Lacey, Director of Emotional Wellness at Childrenβs, often tells this to our staff at the hospital. At work and at home, we give so much to others we often put ourselves last. Take time for you. Take a vacation, read a book or go take a nap β whatever works for you.β
βBe open to change. Anything can happen.β
What advice do you have for other women who are nervous or apprehensive about making a drastic career change β or jumping into something new β the way you did?
βRoll your sleeves up and just get it done. Because I think when you really do some soul-searching, you know when youβre ready for a change. I had the experience and I knew that I was ready to take a next step. So, when you know youβve done your homework and you know youβve practiced, just do it. Donβt let fear hold you back.β
βThere have been so many great nuggets but there are two that stick with me: No. 1: The most important things in life arenβt βthings.β We can get so caught up in having stuff but, at the end of the day, what we have doesnβt equate to who we are. No. 2: If you live for peopleβs praise, youβll die by their criticism. Donβt give anyone that much power over you; youβre worth more than that. Oh, and No. 3: Age, weight and salary are just numbers.β
βTwo things: donβt be afraid to show people who you are with your home. It should look completely different from friendsβ homes. It should very clearly tell people who lives there and what their interests are. And β¦ do what your designer says! If you have gone to the trouble of researching for and hiring a designer, then you shouldnβt waste your time or theirs by fighting with them. Would you argue with your dentist, doctor or lawyer?!β
βHereβs a recent goodie: βMine. Not mine.β In other words, know whatβs yours to take on, fix or change β and whatβs not! It will save you precious time and energy!β
What advice do you have for women who would like to start a business but are not sure if they have what it takes?
βIβm going to share a bit of advice I received from the delightfully inspiring Mignon Francois, owner of The Cupcake Collection: Donβt expect anyone to understand your vision. Seriously, itβs unrealistic and selfish. Get a notebook, write your ideas down and journal about it every day. Pray about it, reflect on it and piece the puzzle together β and when the time is right, you will know.β
βOnce, when contemplating a big decision, my mom said, βIf you are waiting for the perfect time, youβll spend your entire life waiting instead of doing,β and Iβve reminded myself of her words many, many times when Iβve been frozen by βanalysis paralysis.ββ
βTo never let fear or your current circumstance stop you from living your life as you feel led to do. That came from my dad. The second best advice Iβve gotten was to never give advice, and so thatβs the advice that I always give.β
βMy dad gives me all sorts of advice, but my favorite from him is, βEverything takes the amount of time that you give it.ββ
βChange is good and some things happen for a reason. You must know that everything is going to be OK.β
βDress up for life. Itβs worth it.β
βBe willing to look at yourself and your part during times of conflict. This is where you will find real growth, peace and understanding.β
βThe best advice that Iβve been given was from my mother. Sheβs no longer alive but we celebrate her memory and her spirit every year at an event in Massachusetts and the theme is βSavor the Moment,β which was her advice to people. Life is very precious. None of us know how long we will be here, so while you are here, you need to fully embrace life in all its richness. Make sure you donβt have regrets. If there are things you want to do, you need to get started. Do them!β
βMusician Warren Zevon was dying of lung cancer in 2002 and on one of his last appearances on David Letterman, Zevon told him to enjoy every sandwich. I think about that every day.β
βSurround yourself with people smarter and better than you. The hard part is βweeding your gardenβ of the people that bring you down.β
βOne of my favorite quotes is from Coach John Wooden: βBe true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books β especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.ββ
βSo easy. My wonderful parents always said to treat people as you want to be treated. It was wonderful to work at Parisian where customer service was such a priority and not done as a strategy, but because itβs just the right thing to do.β
βIt came from General Colin Powell. He told me to watch out for people who warned me to stay away from others. He told me, if that happened, to make that person my next, first meeting. Lord was he right.β
βMy grandma used to tell me, βTammy, no matter what you do, treat others as you would want to be treated.β Thatβs just stuck with me. Itβs in the Bible, and Iβve just stuck with it.β
βEvery day youβre going to have to wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror, and youβd better make sure the decisions you make are the right decisions, that they are decisions of integrity. There is always that voice in your gut to tell you what the right thing is. At the end of the day, fame and fortune donβt matter; what matters is doing the right thing and feeling good about the choices you are making.β
βBe present.β
βYou are who you hang with; Give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you; and telling the truth is easier β if you lie, you have to remember what you told people.β
βYou need to be yourself. Iβve made a living out of just being myself.β
May this advice inspire and guide you as you embark on 2017!
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Lauren Helmer
Lauren Helmer is a writer, editor, and artist with a passion for food, the arts, interiors, and the people who create them.