Wedding Etiquette Rules Your Mama Never Told You
Have you ever tip-toed into a wedding ceremony just as it's about to start? Many of us have been there. Luckily, event planner Amos Gott is here to weigh in with a few key pieces of wedding etiquette to protect you from common faux pas. Image: Madi Flournoy Photography
When it comes to weddings, on time is late, gifts are best sent ahead of time, and the RSVP card is there for a reason! In light of the seemingly year-round wedding βseasonβ that is upon us, itβs important to mind your Ps and Qs β no matter the locale or size of the celebration. Here, Amos Gott of AmosEvents chimes in with some valuable etiquette reminders your mama never told you. (Or maybe she did, but youβve long since forgotten β or you just werenβt listening.)
Do: RSVP!
Back in the day, the reply card did not exist. βThe invited guest was supposed to write back β in the third person like the invitation β accepting or declining the invitation,β Amos says. βThese days, the host has done everything possible to get your response except fill out the response card and put it in the mail.β Yβall, the envelope is addressed and stamped.
When the cost per person for a wedding can easily be in the hundreds (if not thousands), neglecting to reply is discourteous, plain and simple. βNeglecting to reply and showing up, or replying βyesβ then skipping, both come at a significant cost to the host,β Amos says. As soon as you receive an invite and you know your plan, send back your card β donβt toss it in the junk drawer.
Donβt: Make assumptions about your invitation.
On a similar topic, whoβs on the wedding invitation is whoβs invited. βIf your childrenβs names arenβt listed, guess what? Theyβre not invited,β Amos says with a smile. βIf the inner envelope doesnβt say βand guest,β then the invitation is for you and you alone.β When a reply card asks for the number attending, that isnβt an open-ended question. The max number is the number of names on the inner envelope. If you and a guest are invited, your options are βtwoβ or βone.β
Do: Arrive 20 minutes before the printed start time.
βUnlike a party invitation, the time on the invitation is the time bride is to be going down the aisle,β Amos says. βSo if you arrive at the invitation time, youβre late. Really late. Because the mothers are either about to be seated or often already are, and the bride is in place as you open the door behind her to come in.β
Also, in many non-traditional and destination venues, there isnβt a lot of private space to keep the bridal party separate from guests. The bride wants everyone invited to first see her as she walks down the aisle, not as youβre leaving the restroom five minutes before start time. βNo one wants the glaring eyes of the mother, bride, or β worse β the planner,β Amos adds. βThe traditional time to arrive is in time to be in your seat twenty minutes before the invitation time.β
Donβt: Bring gifts to the wedding.
In our modern world, itβs best to send gifts prior to the wedding β typically to the return address on the back of the invitation envelope. βThink about it,β Amos says. βThe family has so much to do the weekend of the wedding. Do you think they really want to haul gifts home after itβs over and unload a trunk full of packages?β Online registries and cash funds make it so much easier to send gifts up to a few months after the wedding. Amos adds, βNicer gift stores will often deliver gifts to the familyβs home. It continues to get easier to get gifts to the couple.β
What scares Amos the most are the gift cards and cash brought to the event. βThey can so easily slip between a car seat and console, fall out on the way to the car, or even be misplaced in the chaos. Itβs so much better to send them in advance to lessen the risk,β Amos says.
Do: Dress accordingly.
One steadfast common rule is that ceremonies at or after 6 p.m. indicate black tie. βNot always, but often,β Amos says. βBut otherwise, itβs common sense. And sometimes, I wonder if any thought was given at all.β With the groom and groomsmen often in tuxedos, and the bride almost always in a gown, dressing smartly is appropriate and imperative.
βFor men, itβs a suit with a tie (at minimum, slacks and jackets). Men are the typical culprits as women often relish the excuse to dress up,β Amos says. βBut when the wedding party is in formal attire, and male guests donβt have on a tie, or even a jacket, it downplays the significance of the occasion.β
Donβt: Hijack the planning process.
This last piece of advice is for those in the throes of planning. Amos admits he is the first to want the wedding to reflect the brideβs taste and style. βBut so often I hear that the mother doesnβt have a say in her daughterβs wedding,β Amos says.
βItβs important to remember that who is on the invitation as inviting guests to the wedding (and therefore paying for it) is who is hosting the event. So they deserve some credit for their contribution and opinion β¦ within reason,β Amos adds with a wink.
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Zoe Yarborough
Zoe is a StyleBlueprint staff writer, Charlotte native, Washington & Lee graduate, and Nashville transplant of eleven years. She teaches Pilates, helps manage recording artists, and likes to "research" Germantown's food scene.