Everything sounds sweeter in a Southern drawl β even phrases with less-than-gracious intentions. Southerners don’t necessarily have the market cornered on insults, but ask anyone with a Southern grandmother, and they can probably rattle off a few one-liners ranging from backhanded compliments and thinly-veiled insults to outright venom. We all know and love a good bless your heart, but just for fun, we’ve compiled a list of our favorite sassy Southernisms that make us smile (or seethe, depending on the context).
A matter of intelligence
Of course, it’s not polite to comment outright on someone’s mental fitness or lack thereof. So, around the South, you might hear phrases like these instead …
- The porch light’s on, but no one’s home.
- Her biscuit‘s not done in the middle, but we love her.
- He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed (or the brightest bulb in the box, or the sweetest cookie in the batch).
- “Sammy’s so confused, he doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.” β a favorite quote from Steel Magnolias.
- She’s nice, but she’s about as smart as a marble.
- A broke clock is right twice a day.
- He couldn’t organize a two-car parade.
Putting up appearances
Appearances aren’t everything. But we can’t help but notice …
- That’s a little like putting lipstick on a pig, isn’t it?
- She’s cute, but I wouldn’t put her on a float.
- I bet those shoes sure are comfortable.
- I love your new haircut. It looks SO much better!
- She’s got a great personality.
- How creative! I could never pull that off.
Social graces
When folks miss the mark β or live in a way that we simply would never β old-school Southerners are ready with a few choice phrases designed to make a subtle point and move right along …
- Well, aren’t you sweet?
- Thank you for sharing.
- That’s so different!
- I don’t care what anybody says. I think she’s sweet.
- Good for you!
- I just love how you don’t care what people think.
- Pretty is as pretty does.
- You’re not married? There’s nothing wrong with that, honey. You work so hard.
- Don’t throw shade if you can’t even grow your own tree.Β
Dealing with a gossipΒ
“I doesnβt mean to gossip β I just happen to be very well-informed!”
- She could start a rumor in an empty room.
- She’s got more faces than the town clock.
- He’s nosier than a raccoon in a trashcan.
- Whatever she heard, you’re going to hear it too. Twice.
- She’s so fake, even her hair has an expiration date.
Disclaimers
You can get away with saying just about anything as long as you follow it up with one of these:
- … but they mean well.
- … God love ’em.
- … but we love ’em.
- … but that’s not their fault. They just don’t know any better.
And, of course:
… bless their hearts.
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