You will notice that diets are on everyone’s mind lately. You probably read about my experience on Wednesday, where I laid it all out there for our StyleBlueprint readers and told everyone that I’m on a diet so that you all would hold me accountable. In all of our other markets today, SB is running a post on the Paleo Diet and what that entails, and you will see a link to that post at the bottom of this one…no worries. Personally, harkening back to Neanderthal man doesn’t seem appealing. I’m not good in a “survival” mode.
Instead, I want to let you in on the best diet ever.
This one really works. It is a set of simple diet rules.* This comes from my Houston friends, who are three sisters. When we were in high school, they told everyone about the rules. We learned them. WE LIVED THEM.
I went to college with one of the sisters, and we continued the tradition of the rules. We took our show on the road to Nashville. Girls (and boys) from near and far loved them and took them as their own.
(My friend is a big attorney now, so I won’t mention her by name or she’ll claim intellectual property infringement on this post. )
These rules are not about restriction, they are about reward. They are simple and so, so forgiving, not to mention scientific. <wink>
The basic premise is that the food you are eating doesn’t count if you eat it under the following conditions:
- standing up
- in your nightgown or pajamas
- in your car (passenger or driver)
- after midnight
- on your birthday
- in a foreign country
- while drinking a diet coke
BONUS: The true magic of the rules is that if you combine two or more (after midnight, in your car and in your nightgown) it’s dietetic and you lose weight. Of course, results may vary.
Let’s discuss.
Standing up:
Contrary to Ancient Romans, we support the standing method of feasting. Image credit:4.bp.blogspot.com.
See above. Everything you ingest just lays there, soaking into your body. GET UP! Standing makes everything move down and therefore doesn’t have time to register.
Obviously a seasoned professional. Eating pizza standing up, while balancing the box on knee. She’s practically exercising! I give her a 10. And look, she’s thin. Image credit: Food Mayhem
In your nightgown or pajamas:
Okay, nobody wears nightgowns anymore like the Lanz beauties we wore in high school. That was a more “modest” time, in a land where nightclothes with words on the fanny did not exist. But wearing nightclothes signals to the body that it is bedtime, not mealtime. The body becomes so confused by first signal of night clothing that it disregards any eating.
Teaching them young…perfect candidates for spreading the word. Image credit: verylongmedia.com
In a car (passenger or driver):
Driving is all about getting from one place to another. Your brain is so focused on the transportation, that it is not registering that you are eating as well. Take advantage of this brain confusion and biggie size it.
Go big or go home. Getting the Big Mac in the car because you know it doesn’t count! Image credit: MissFitnessLife (seriously).
After midnight:
Whoever claims that eating at night is a “no-no” is a liar. Your body is a machine at night. Constantly metabolizing. Feed the machine, people. It NEEDS food.
Feeding the machine. Image credit: mentallyfine.com.
On your birthday:
Nothing you say, do or eat counts on your birthday. PERIOD. Consider it a “bye” in the game of life.
An early rule follower, Marilyn actually lost weight in this illustration here because she combined two rules and ate her birthday cake in her car. Image credit: doctormacro.com.
In a Foreign Country:
Similar to birthdays, travel falls in the same category. Foreign travel especially, as the changing of time zones does not comply with your body’s natural circadian rhythms, thereby rendering all caloric ingestion null and void.
I have no idea what this Indian fellow is fixing, however, I shudder at his toes so close to my food prep. Since this is a street vendor, eating it standing up and a foreign country would be a loss of points. Image credit: worldette.com.
While drinking a Diet Coke:
This is so logical. Diet Coke is the elixir from the gods. God is infallible, omnipotent and omniscient. God would not associate anything with His name with something negative or fattening. Therefore, Diet Coke has no calories and actually reverses caloric ingestion from your other foods.
(Same rule applies to the wine at communion, right?)
Diet Coke is a beautiful thing.
Don’t forget the beautiful bonus, that combining any of the two rules actually makes you lose weight.
Jump on the wagon ladies! I’d love to see your Before and After shots.
*The small print:
The last time these rules were put into place was when I was in my mid-twenties, before children, hormonal changes and the inevitable screeching halt of my metabolism. Results may vary according to each person.
If you want to read about my one month check in that I wrote Wednesday about my diet and exercise program: click here.
And, as promised, here’s the link to the other SB post on going Paleo. (Diet Coke sounds way more fun, if you ask me, though…)
