Got your attention with that title, right? Good, stay tuned for the nudity portion of the story.

Let me clarify something first. I did not sunbathe in the nude. I did, however, get a custom organic spray tan at Pure Tan Studio on Frankfort Avenue. Before I talk about my experience with that, let me give you a little background:

Back in college, or in the not-so-distant past, when I was having a bad day, there was a hierarchy of things I would do to feel better. This hierarchy was put into place by my same friend who wrote the diet rules, so they worked like a charm. Here are the steps to follow. (You stop when you start feeling better.) I have reached #4 a couple times.

1. Drink Diet Coke.
2. Eat queso and chips or chocolate, depending on craving.
3. Purchase new outfit.
4. Get highlights in hair.

As you can see, the price jumps from less than a dollar to possibly $100 pretty quick, but you catch my drift. 

And now that I’ve experienced custom spray tanning, I am going to have to add this to the list, too. I’ll put it after the queso, but before the new outfit. It is an automatic mood lifter.

I am not tan and I do not pretend to be tan. But for some reason, having a little color makes me feel good. And as the saying goes, Tanned Fat is Muscle.

The custom organic spray tan at Pure Tan is different from your typical spray tan. The major difference is they spray you and dry you by hand. This way, no parts are missed and you are not striking strange poses in front of spray nozzles. The second major difference is that it is organic, which means that you do not smell or turn the telltale orange color.

You are tanned in a large room, bathed in natural light. No claustrophobic tanning pods anymore

This is the highly anticipated portion of the story, and definitely something that I did NOT prepare myself mentally for beforehand, as I should have. When one gets a spray tan, one has to have all their skin sprayed. To do that properly (if I’m going to be completely transparent here) you need to be completely naked, or at least wear disposable underwear. You don’t want a tan line, or a t-shirt line or a jeans line, right?

I was not at all prepared to show my glory, but the manager at Pure Tan, Carolina Martinez, could not have made it a better experience. Considering I was almost naked and she was totally clothed, she made me feel as comfortable as someone could in this situation (being sprayed sans clothes in a room). I pondered the fact that there is an entire subculture of people who do this all the time and are unfazed by what they see, day in and day out. I’ve given birth three times and this is the same level of <ahem> familiarity. Considering the poor people in these professions who have to see unadulterated nudity (of normal folks like me) all day long, I think I got the better end of the deal.

Carolina carefully sprayed and dried my entire body with this little handheld tanning machine and hose. It acts as a sprayer and a dryer.

 

 

 

The entire procedure, tip to tail, took only 9 minutes. When I left, I was completely dry and not sticky. They recommend that you not take a shower or sweat for at least 8 hours, more if you can do it. 

 

 

My tan looked natural, not a streak or orangey tone in sight. 

This is not the spray tan experience you remember Ross from Friends doing, where he gets sprayed mistakenly four times in the face. This is a custom paint job. No room for error, streaks or too much orange. It is your choice how tan you want to be. I picked a “1” which was the least amount on my pale skin (you have the option of 1 through 5). It still gave me a glow or and a couple “have you been to the beach” questions. Note, nobody asked me “did you get a spray tan” which to me means that it was a job well done.

Pure Tan Studio is located at 2838 Frankfort Avenue. To make an appointment, call 895-3993. 

 

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