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The other day, I went on a hunt for a headband for my daughter. This hunt occurred in my bathroom. As I delved into my bathroom cabinet looking for this headband, I realized that I have been living in a happy place. A place where things get shoved into a cabinet and everything is fine. I know where things are, most of the time, and I seem to be doing just fine.

But something made me do a double take and look at the cabinet with fresh eyes. Perhaps it was the fact that I have not been able to close this cabinet of denial in about six months.

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Sometimes if you shove everything to the back really quick, it stays inside. Obviously, I struck out here.

Opening up the cabinet, I looked upon it with fresh eyes, not the eyes of a tired woman in the morning or a hurried woman at night, and I realized that my happy place was just a fantasy. In reality, my under sink cabinet has all the markings of a very disturbed person. And possibly someone who needs to submit this picture to Oprah’s Life Class or Hoarders.

 

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90% of this cabinet is devoted to my hair. My hair that I pretty much wear in a ponytail every day. Do I use all these products? NO. Then why are they here? I DON’T KNOW.

I had a moment while I was hunkered down, looking at the chaos within, and decided to take everything out of the cabinet and grab my camera to document this slip into madness. Stand strong, fellow hair product hoarders, this one is going to hurt a little.

Here we go:

Hoarder Observation #1: Outdated Hair Accessories

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When is the last time you saw pony tail holders like these? My girls stole them and used them for maracas for their Barbies. Why would I even consider keeping these when I never actually knew how to fasten them properly in the first place? But my goodness, I’ll keep them until I’m 40 just to keep the challenge fresh.

 

 Hoarder Observation #2: Jean Nate Perfumed Bath Powder, Circa 1984

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I guess this was left over from the holiday pack with the body splash, bubble bath and powder that I received in middle school. That means that I have moved this container of 1984 Jean Nate Powder at least 10 times, never once questioning its existence. It was almost empty by the way. And actually, it still smelled good.

This commercial will bring back some great memories. Who knew that Jean Nate had a horse in the Derby?

 

 

 Hoarder Observation #3: More Outdated Hair Accessories

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I wore these in my hair.

I wore these in my hair as an adult.

I wore these in my hair as an adult to business meetings.

I wore these in my hair as an adult to business meetings where I was asking people for lots of sponsorship money.

How in world did I keep a job when I had a bug in my hair?

 

Hoarder Observation #4: And More Outdated Hair Accessories

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Probably the nicest thing in the entire drawer, it’s practically jewelry. Those are REAL turquoise stones people. I got this in Santa Fe and I’m sorry, but I’m never giving it away. (I’m never wearing it either, but that’s another story.)

 

Hoarder Observation #5: Not One, but TWO Sets of Hot Rollers

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So I have a fiver and a 12 pack of hot rollers. I will affirm that I have used all 17 at the same time. These stay.

 

Hoarder Observation #6: Did I Mention? More Outdated Hair Accessories.

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Painted that chip clip in high school, to distinguish it as mine so nobody would steal it.  As if!

 

Hoarder Observation #7: Random, Unrelated Objects That Had No Other Home

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I know it’s not a hair product, so treat this as a side bar. Not one, but two large bags of floss picks. I hate these things because they don’t floss, they just get stuck in your teeth. They are brand new and up for grabs to the first bidder.

 

Hoarder Observation #8: Two of Every Appliance

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It’s like Noah’s Ark of hair appliances here: two of everything. Two hairdryers. Two flat irons. Two curling irons. And a diffuser that I have never figured out how to use. My son uses it as a bullhorn.

 

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I had to stand on a chair to get the aerial shot of this madness. This is everything, which I have carefully organized into categories. It was cheaper to stand on the chair than to hire the Goodyear Blimp to take a shot.

 

Hoarder Observation #9: Way Too Many Brushes and Combs 

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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 brushes. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 combs. I use two of these brushes everyday and that’s all. Why does the middle Paul Mitchell brush look like a pit bull’s chew toy?

 

Hoarder Observation #10: Multiple Versions of the Same Product

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Guess who does not like washing her hair? Four types of dry shampoo might be an indicator.

 

Hoarder Observation #11: Myriad Products for ANY Type of Hair Day. Good. Bad. Whatever.

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This is just a smattering of the actual hair products I have. This is what I KEPT. Things for curl.Things for straight. Things for every day of the week of my hair schizophrenia.

 

Two full garbage bags and one large bag for donation later (some lucky gal is going to have sweet scrunchies), I’m done. Amazing how big this cabinet seems now.

 

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I pulled a Pinterest and cut a part of a shoe holder and velcroed it on the cabinet door for my most used things: my two brushes and my hairspray. Then I just put the combs behind door #3, because who knows when you are going to need immediate access to six combs.

 

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Between my makeup hoarding, my kitchen cabinet hoarding, and now this, I’m really losing every shred of dignity with my readers.

Or perhaps inspiring you? I’d love to hear what you throw away when you go through your hair products? I bet I’m not the only one on this train, but I bet that I’m the only one with Jean Nate.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I never found the headband for my daughter. Can’t imagine why, as I’ve kept everything since grade school.

 

 

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