This is how I read a greeting card. Peruse front picture, flip inside, read the personal note and then maybe glance at the inside message. In my head, I’m reading it “blah, blah, blah, you’re the best mom, blah, blah.”
But what I really want to read is what the people wrote, not what is on the card. It is because those messages are real, not floating on a puffy pink Hallmark cloud. Why are the good greeting cards so few and far between? They do exist and I’m going to find them. I went on the hunt for the best greeting cards in town. I struck gold.
742 East Market Street
Coffee Stain Cards:
These are the raunchiest, naughtiest, funniest cards I have ever read. There’s things in these cards that I have never even thought possible — or even entertained the notion. When you walk into Scout, they are in the back room. Enter in the front door, listen for the laughter and then proceed in that direction. That’s where they are keeping the good stuff.
The cards are “Coffee Stain Card” and for a full run on all of them, be sure to check out the website. I cannot republish 75% of what is on their website, and it is all hysterical. Scout owner had some good insights on these cards. He said their creator is based in Kansas City. Hallmark is also based in Kansas City. All signs point to the fact that this guy is an ex-Hallmark worker, perhaps someone that thought a little too outside-the-box.
Here is an example. I picked one of the cleaner ones for you.
982 Barret Avenue
Hard Cards are fantastic, sarcastic and dry. Funny without being really raunchy. They are written by two funny women, who say it best in their mission statement:
“We couldn’t lie to our friends any longer. We are tired of pretending that we’re happy about your babies, thrilled you’re turning another year older, or that we actually care about your problems. We saw the need for greeting cards that make people laugh at the truth. “ I could not agree more.
3. St. Matthews Car Wash
108 Chenoweth Lane
Recycled Paper Greetings:
Every time I get my car washed, unfortunately an infrequent occurrence, I ALWAYS buy a greeting card. St. Matthew’s Car Wash has one of my favorite collections. What a random marriage of businesses: greeting cards in the car wash? Sure, you have a captive audience, but it’s not the first place I think of when its someone’s birthday. The owner of the car wash told me that some days he sells over 100 cards. When I was there this week, they were cleaned out of cards, especially graduation and birthdays. This is the same company that sells at Target, but the line sold at this car wash is different; “racier” would be a good adjective here.
4. Brownsboro Hardware
4858 Brownsboro Road
Tucked in the back of Brownsboro Hardware is a great collection of cards that are good clean fun. Think animals in costumes but witty. They are tucked in the back of the store, next to the small post office. This is my go-to place for all kids’ birthday cards. So much funnier than a Hallmark and your kids will not have to read through some sappy message. I went to get some paint and mail a package and walked out with $20 in cards for upcoming birthdays, graduations and Father’s Day.
So, when you care enough to send the very best, first you need to get your car washed, replace your hammer, redecorate your house and then buy the birthday gift. The cards just happen to be at all those places.