Today, humorist and StyleBlueprint friend, Amanda Davis, shares her top 15 things that resonate with the locals of Birmingham!

1) Six degrees of Courteney Cox

Everyone has a friend who has a cousin who’s cousins with Courteney Cox. (Or a friend whose cousin’s cousin once hung out with Courteney Cox’s cousin). 

Image credit: http://bhamterminal.com/timetable/2014/03/07/courteney-cox-to-make-feature-film-directorial-debut-at-tribeca-film-festival/

Image credit: bhamterminal.com

2) Knock, knock. Want to know who lives here?

We have very strict registered sex offender laws, although we’ll decorate our mailboxes with our children’s names, sex, age, sports, school, activity, class rank and team number.

3) Would you like a hard or soft pack with that malt?

The oldest soda shop in town, Gilchrist, is where you can grab a chocolate malt, a limeade, a hot beef on a bun and a pack of Marlboro Lights at the register.

Image credit: http://www.al.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2012/02/the_year_of_alabama_food_gilch.html

Image credit: www.al.com

4) Gus Mayer is a destination, not just another store at The Summit.

If you are going to any one of the myriad stores at The Summit, you would say, “I’ve got to go to The Summit.” Unless you are going to Gus Mayer, then it is strictly, “I’m going to Gus Mayer.” That is an entity in itself.

Image credit: Gus Mayer

Image credit: Gus Mayer

5) We like our farm-fresh produce, but that doesn’t stop us from eating at the drive through.

We love our local farmer’s market at Pepper Place and will pull our organic-sustainable-produce-filled car into Milo’s on the way home.

Image credit: http://www.bizjournals.com/birmingham/print-edition/2012/08/31/battle-brews-over-milos-tea.html?page=all

Image credit: bizjournals.com

6) What, no Monday night dinner at Bottega?

You never knew Botox–filled faces could show signs of emotion until May 2014 when Bottega decided it would no longer open its doors on Monday nights.

Image credit: http://www.birminghamlights.com/dining/bottega_restaurant_cafe.htm

Image credit: birminghamlights.com

7) Ousler’s Tea Sandwiches and the Baby Bites at Pastry Arts are an integral part of our gatherings.

Ousler’s sandwiches and Pastry Arts Baby Bites are on the menu at every baby shower, bridal tea and intervention.

8) We are die-hard football fans.

Birmingham is like the rest of Alabama: During the fall, we’ve been known to pick our friends on Saturdays based on a preference for houndstooth or blue and orange. Roll Tide and War Eagle are battle cries around here.

Image credit: http://bigstory.ap.org/photo-gallery/alabama-auburn-11302013

Image credit: bigstory.ap.org

9) Better be ready with your order when dining at Niki’s West.

Do not get flustered when ordering at Niki’s West. Repeat: DO NOT GET FLUSTERED. Seriously, be ready to order immediately. You will only be an embarrassment to yourself and your friends if you tarry, and it’s likely that the squash casserole you were eyeing, but didn’t order quickly enough, will wind up being steamed cabbage on your plate instead. (Way to go, big guy.)

http://m.nikiswest.com/site/mobile#2100

Image credit: nikiswest.com

10) We know how to score a table.

We love all the close weekend getaways allowing many to leave town and ensuring the rest of us a Friday night reservation at Highlands and a Saturday lunch table at Taco Mama.

Image credit: http://blog.al.com/spotnews/2011/05/new_york_restaurant_picked_ove.html

Image credit: blog.al.com

11) Facebook Trading sites have taken on a life of their own.

There’s a tiny bit of animosity in some of our suburbs. But thanks to the ever popular Facebook Homewood, Vestavia, Hoover & Mountain Brook Trading groups, we are all wearing and sitting on each other’s used items. My husband is wearing Bill’s Khaki’s that are literally Bill from Bluff Park’s khakis. 

12) You know Irondale as “Eastwood.”

You refer to Irondale as “Eastwood” remembering the heyday of Century Plaza and Eastwood Mall.

Image credit:  http://www.birminghamrewound.com/EastwoodMall/

Image credit:  birminghamrewound.com

13) Vulcan would get dress coded if he went to school.

We have a naked man that guards our city, but most Birmingham school dress codes will only allow skirts 1 inch above the knee.

14) Some seemingly odd sentences make perfect sense.

You have uttered this sentence before: “I’ll meet you at The Garage for drinks, but first I’ve gotta go to The Pants Store and get salad dressing.”

Image credit: http://www.pantsstore.com/STORY_ep_41.html

Image credit: pantsstore.com

15) Locals still don’t know where to eat now on Monday nights.

Thanks Amanda! For more humorous insights from Amanda, follow her on Twitter at @pandabear0123.

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