Abby Wambach, you break my heart. You are such an excellent soccer player, on such an excellent American team, so adept at heading the ball into the goal. But your hairdo is distracting me. In fact, it is giving me a massive migraine. Here is why:
First of all, you used to look like all the other girls. Cute hair in a ponytail with a headband lifting your extraneous hairs off your face. Like a normal athlete who needs no hair in their face distracting them from seeing the ball.
Then you went and got a really cute pixie haircut. It looks so great on you until…you smatted your bangs in your face for the World Cup. Come on girl, if you want to make a grand entrance, use some product and saunter out. But this headband worn on the forehead, really serving no purpose, is beyond me.
This picture makes me want to take that headband/tourniquet off you and towel off your sweaty head. Your hair can’t even dry when you run because it is shellacked to your head. Why? Why? Why? I’m breaking out in sympathetic acne on my forehead just looking at this picture. It makes me feel so hot and sweaty and icky and hot.
So between my tantrums and pacing during the Women’s World Cup, I decided to google “headbands worn over bangs” and try to get to the bottom of this disturbing trend. Here’s what I know thus far:
- Both men and women athletes wear these “skull crushers.”
- Women do actually wear them outside of athletic arenas.
- Women who wear them outside of athletic arenas are called “Boho Chic” or “Scene Hair.” What “scene” they are referring to is also beyond me.
Here’s some examples of both male and female athletes wearing headbands. Remember that I still have NO idea why they wear the headbands over their bangs. Never got an answer on that. Before you peruse this pictures, go take two Excedrin. You are going to need them.
So now, let’s discuss how people wear these “hippie headbands” out in public, not involved in athletics. I found an entire blog post devoted to teaching people how to do it on www.celebritybeautybuzz.com, back in 2008. (That’s three years that I have been behind on this trend. My cerebellum is grateful for this.) Here is an excerpt from the post, try to keep a straight face whilst reading it:
“1. Part hair in either a straight part down the middle, or create a loose jig-jag part down the middle of your head.
2. Wrap a skinny headband around the top of your forehead, avoid tucking your hair behind your ears!
3. If you have bangs, wear the headband over your bangs.
4. Throughout the day/night check your headband and avoid mushroom head by tucking your hair in.”
Here’s what to expect if you follow these rules. (Were you all dying by the time you read “mushroom head?”)
Stop the madness.
Let’s discuss how headbands, worn appropriately, are so chic. So classy. So ladylike.
I am still waiting for my Eureka! moment with this strange new headband over the bangs trend. Until then ladies, refer to the above three pictures. Headbands are very chic and functional, if done the right way.
If anyone can solve this mystery for me, email me at [email protected]. There is obviously some huge clue that I am missing when entire athletic teams are choosing to wear them this way. Until then, I will find this trend (in the words of my friend) “perplexing and annoying.”