That’s right. If you wish to attend an NFL game, you can go, but your handbag cannot. Seriously. Well, if it is smaller than your hand, it’s allowed. My wallet is not even smaller than my hand.
In a not-much-reported-on announcement, the NFL released the new rules last week: No handbags, no diaper bags, no fanny packs, no backpacks, no luggage (so glad they remembered to include that one!) and no large camera bags. To be precise, “Prohibited items include, but are not limited to: purses larger than a clutch bag, coolers, briefcases, backpacks, fanny packs, cinch bags, seat cushions, luggage of any kind, computer bags and camera bags or any bag larger than the permissible size.”
So, what is allowed? Well, a freezer bag is allowed. They actually wrote that. And, a clear bag that does not exceed 12 x 12 x 6 is allowed. The NFL will have such compliant bags available for you to purchase; of course they will. I’d love to show you what they look like, but they haven’t been released yet, so I guess we need to showcase the freezer bag.
Oh, and did you did see that part about no seat cushions, right? Banned. Time to get inventive…
Why are they doing this? It’s for our safety, of course. (And I’m all about being safe – don’t misinterpret my ire for a desire to shirk necessary safeguards at public events. But really, is this the right approach?)
Who came up with this decision? The NFL Committee on Stadium Security. Why does this make us safer? What about cargo pants?
And, we’ve all seen those cargo pants loaded down with pockets. Those carry waaaaaay more than my full size or freezer bag handbag ever could.
What about big coats? Some have BIG inside pockets. Handbags aren’t allowed, but this coat is:
When it’s not cold enough for the full coat, just go the vest route:
What about diaper bags? Some do bring their little ones to games. Where does a parent put 2 bottles, 3 diapers, wipes, an extra blanket, extra onesie, pacifier and then add their own stuff? Solution: the cargo pants or coat. Gotcha.
And, how about the person who wears adult diapers and doesn’t have cargo pants or that amazing coat? Just sayin’. (Hey, it’s an issue everyone will probably face at some point in their life, but it’s not one anyone wants to broadcast, in a gallon-sized Ziploc bag.) Sorry old fella who needs those Depends and the seat cushion to sit on. It’s just too inconvenient to continue providing the same safety efforts as in the past, so now you need to find cushioned pants and broadcast to the world your bladder issues.
Dear NFL: On a totally superficial my-life-is-always-in-a-state-of-chaos level, do you know what a pain it is to even switch handbags out from winter to summer? Just getting my stuff into an evening clutch and then remembering to put it back in my wallet the next day defies me. And, now you want me to do this on my way to a game, in a clear bag? Seriously, do you really want to see what is inside my handbag that badly?
And, you are outlawing all fanny packs. Not that this is a bad thing, but what if the fanny pack is see through? Will that work? It fits the size requirements.
I have to say that on my list of frustrations when going to Titans games, the hold up of the line for checking people’s bag has never ONCE irritated me. My gosh, once you get through all the traffic on 65, the line to have your bag checked is nothing.
And, one more point: even my checkbook is larger than my hand!!
The NFL has stated they think all major sports will follow suit. One tip: buy stock in cargo pants.